Bittersweet Christmas Eve

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Today I miss my Mum more than any other day of the year. When I was a child she used to make Christmas so magical it really was the most wonderful time of the year, and my memories of that time are invaluable, despite the fact they hurt, which raises the old question of whether it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

The answer’s a no brainer. Despite the fact I have a big lump in my throat as I think about my gentle, humorous, outgoing Mum, I wouldn’t be without a single one of my bittersweet memories. My happy childhood was instrumental in making me the person I am today. Mum instilled a love of books in me long before I could read or write, and she would have been so very proud that what she began culminated in her daughter becoming a published author earlier this year. Since Mum died in 2006, I have not been able to listen to the Service of Nine Lessons and Carols from King’s College Chapel, as we used to do while making mince pies every Christmas Eve during my formative years. My mince pies are shop bought (probably just as well, the last cake I attempted to bake resembled a house brick!) and the radio will remain off at three o’clock this afternoon when the carols begin.

Mum’s favourite carol – The Three Kings. This performance came from King’s College Chapel, Cambridge, in 2006. I still can’t listen to it without tears, but it is beautiful.

I hope Christmas is all you wish for it to be. If you, like me, are missing someone right now, a good cry can help, then you can think about the good times you shared with that person, and celebrate the fact they were once a part of your world.

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2 thoughts on “Bittersweet Christmas Eve

  1. I’m just the same with my mum Alison – she headed off when I was 18 – I always tear up at Christmas remembering how lovely she was. People like you make the world a much nicer place – I hope that this season brings you only joy. xx

    • What a lovely comment! You set me crying all over again, but they’re more like happy tears now. Does that make any sense? Memories are priceless at any time of year, and I’m so thankful to be able to look back on a happy childhood. Merry Christmas to you too x x

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